Being that I am a nurse with a major interest in gynecological and sexual health, many women have approached me with their sexual issues over the years. One of the ones I have been hearing more often than not is:
“I have never had an orgasm.”
As a married, sexually satisfied 24 year old woman who averages maybe 2-3 orgasms a week (more when I see my husband… Long distance is a total bitch), this is mind blowing to me. Many of these women have said that they simply do not know how to orgasm, and even though they have had sex a handful of times, orgasm was never on the agenda.
We, as women, HAVE to know how to please ourselves before we can seriously expect a man (or woman) to. Period. We are often taught that masturbation (sorry, FEMALE masturbation) is wrong, dirty, and not “ladylike”. Bullshit. Exploring your body and knowing what you like will not only help your partner learn how to please you, but it will help you get yourself off without needing your partner, should he/she be absent. Know whether or not clitoral stimulation is your thing, G-spot stimulation, blended orgasms (clit and G-spot stim, which is truly the BEST), nipple stim, explore EVERYTHING to find out what you like. Don’t just wait to lay down with a partner and be forced to scramble around, fumbling with not knowing how to stimulate a clitoris or, worse, not knowing the correct terms and functions of your own lady parts.
Also, we are often disillusioned by the media and pornography. How often have you seen a porno where a man and a woman are having sex and the woman is suddenly breathlessly saying “I’m gonna cum!”, with no manual stimulation or any type of assistance? Let me let you in on something: only about 25% of women can orgasm consistently from ONLY vaginal sex with no clitoral stimulation. Think about that. Porn teaches us that all we need to do is lay there, get fucked, and we should just feel something.
Nah. NAAAH, son. That’s not how it works. So uh, a LOT of women are lying about orgasming, and it’s sad. We shouldn’t feel like we have to lie; if we don’t cum, we don’t cum. Most women need outer stimulation in addition to vaginal penetration anyway. But we don’t have to lie down and accept zero orgasms! If you are having sex and you don’t feel that UMPH, take a hand and get to work on your clitoris yourself to see if that helps.
Learn your body for YOURSELF. Learn to make yourself feel good. Check out a detailed diagram of the female anatomy and figure out how everything works. Take a mirror and look at your vulva (everything on the outside; your vagina is not visible and is the internal canal where the penis goes) and identify all the parts. How can you let someone drive your car when you don’t even know how the hell it works?
Life is too short for bad sex. Get to exploring, playing, cumming.