I know I’m not the only one whose first experience with their long-term partner was AWKWARD. AS. EVER.
I remember the first time I got down with my then-friend, now-husband. It was semi planned, involved the words “fuck the bullshit” beforehand, fumbling, and me feeling like a semi skank after the fact because we weren’t even in a relationship at the time (even though we both wanted to be, I was just being difficult). We had been talking for a few weeks when we decided to have sex, and we started dating a week or two later.
We knew how we felt about each other, and I was SO into him… But being that it was our first time together, we were nervous and didn’t know how to get it started. I visited him in his dorm, we sat around for a minute on his bed before a meeting he had in about thirty minutes. We were talking and chilling and I eventually said “You know, we don’t have that much time…” to which he responded “Oh, well fuck the bullshit then!” Got the gold pack out, laid down, and… It was… Odd. I’ve wanted this boy for weeks now, but we didn’t know each other in THAT sense yet. Didn’t know each other’s bodies, what we liked, so it was a learning experience, to say the least. After a few more times we had it down… But the first time was a bunch of fumbling and me battling with self confidence.
Many people sometimes write off a partner after the initial experience, but it’s just like anything else that requires practice.
Riding a bike. Taking a shot. Anything of the sort.
You have to get past that initial awkwardness. Some partners you really should just leave in the dust after that one time… But others, allow them to learn you and be open enough to learn them.
Unless they’re just into weird shit from the jump. That’s just unacceptable.
Also… Just because you sleep with your partner before you start dating doesn’t automatically mean that the relationship is doomed to hell. Establish where each of you stand PRIOR TO having sex, actually talk about it. I never understand why people (particularly us, ladies) are afraid to bring up the question of status before you have sex with someone. If you’re too uncomfortable to bring that up, why are you comfortable giving up your body? He and I knew where we stood in regards to our feelings toward each other and where we wanted to take things further, BEFORE having sex. Nothing is wrong with openly asking questions!
Be open to learning. A first impression isn’t always the right one!
– K. P.