Cuffs, Collars, What D/s Means to Me

I’ve done a bunch of research on BDSM in the Black community lately. It’s very fascinating that it’s not very popular in our community, and I’m not exactly sure why that is, but I’m gonna do some pondering and write on it later.

Meanwhile… I got my chain for the copper bangle cuffs I want to make. It’s so heavy, so I know it will be sturdy to withstand some restraint pressure, and it’s shiny and very nice looking. Just waiting on the bangles. Only thing I hate about copper is that it patinas, which is when you see how copper darkens and isn’t as bright and shiny forever. You can polish it up to get that shine back, or just keep the new darker caramel-ish colored metal. Still not bad, I just like shiny. Here’s the chain (attached to my earrings… Just as an example).

<img src="” alt=”IMG_2799.JPG” class=”alignnone size-full” />

Also… Hubs bought me a collar. I’m very VERY excited. Stainless steel and sterling silver, with a padlock. Made by the lovely couple of To Be His collars… So I know it’s gonna be legit. We haven’t established rules to the collar yet, but I have the understanding that I won’t be able to remove it unless absolutely necessary, and he will have the key.

Collars provide the feeling of control in a D/s relationship for both parties. It’s a stimulating thing, and I think what people don’t understand about D/s is that it’s consensual and respectful. My husband respects and loves me, and the feeling is mutual. The desire to practice in the lifestyle doesn’t make you abnormal or weird; some people just enjoy a little more kink than others and choose to make it a lifestyle choice.

Being collared (when your partner puts a piece of jewelry, be it a bracelet, necklace, collar, anklet, etc) holds symbolism, like you are relinquishing and allowing and TRUSTING yourself to this person in every way. And, being already married, it’s a pretty intense thing. I’ve already given myself to my husband, but this is in a different way. Pretty thrilling.

Try it out. Start slow… Blindfolds, wrist restraints. Then maybe up it and allow yourself to be submissive to your partner and let him “have his way” (but discuss it beforehand so nothing gets out of hand) and have a safe word in case things get too wild or painful. Per Kevin Hart, pineapples is always effective. Then if you’re down for the commitment thing or enjoy a daily reminder of kink, dominance, and submission, try the locking jewelry. It reminds me daily of sex, my husband’s loving dominance, and our commitment.

It really is powerful. Fifty Shades sheds improper lighting on what BDSM is about. Look into it for yourself, y’all.

– K. P.


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