FML Friday

It’s been a long time since I’ve been absolutely mortified. Today was one of those days.

So I had to replace my wedding band because a couple of stones are missing, and the new one was being shipped. I couldn’t find the tracking info either, but I knew it was being sent to my dad’s house via FedEx.

I also forgot that I had other packages sent to my dad’s house.

So he texts me today, telling me that I have a small package that arrived today via FedEx. He asked if I wanted him to open it, I said “Yeah!” I was so excited!!!

He texts me back…

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Sigh. My vibrator from JimmyJane arrived via FedEx… I didn’t know. OH MY GOODNESS. I could have died.

Moral of the story: open your own mail.

That is all.

-K. P.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It’s 2015 y’all!!! We made it to another year! My resolution is…

Ok I lied. I don’t do resolutions… However, Hubs and I made an agreement for a sexual goal this year. Today starts our first New Year as a married couple, and we are gonna do what married folk do.

Our goal? Have sex a minimum of 300 days of this coming year. If not 300 days, 300 times. Doable? I think yes. I’m excited!!! Hubs is too. Of course we are gonna continue to explore and expand and enjoy each other. This is gonna be amazing!!!

What are your sexual resolutions? Of you don’t have one, figure one out!

-K. P.

My Fave Sex Toy Company is Having a Sale… I’m Sharing The Love

Y’all. One of my favorite brands, Jimmy Jane, is having a year-end sale.

OH MY GOODNESS.

The best bullet vibrator I’ve ever had is by them. It’s called the Iconic Bullet, and it’s on sale for $5 (normally $16). The Iconic Pocket, another clitoral vibrator, is on sale for $5 as well, and is normally $35. There are rabbit vibrators available, butt plugs, men’s toys, bondage tape (it’s $5 too), and two GORGEOUS whips that are dual function.

Check it all out here!!!

Hop on the sale! Hope this helps some of y’all!

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Happy Holidays!!!

I know I’ve been missing lately, life has been crazy! I plan to explain everything that’s happened lately in a future post… But for now…

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! HAPPY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HANUKKAH! HAPPY FESTIVUS! Whatever you celebrate!

Celebrate with your family and friends, and celebrate under a mistletoe with your lover.

Eat candy canes off of each other. Rise him wearing a Santa hat. I don’t know… Something festive.

Enjoy the holidays, y’all!

-K. P.

Late Night Thoughts – 12.7.14

I’m thrilled that we currently have a 3 or 4 night streak going on with sex. Only reason I noticed was because I was wondering why I’ve been so nice.

“I’ll wake you up in the morning, baby. What time do you need me to get you up? Oh, I’ll get up at 0645, put on clothes, run down and grab you breakfast, and make sure you’re fed.”

I might as well have offered to suck his toes and iron his clothes for the next week. I’m too BALLER for this.

Moral of this story: happy wife, happy life. And apparently sex equals happiness, which equals me being less of a horrid bitch as often.

Are you nicer to your partner/spouse after a romp or two? What’s the longest sex streak you’ve had where you had sex EVERY DAY? A week? Two days? A month? (That’s excessive.)

– K. P.

Review: Sliquid Natural Lubricant

Ok folks.

Lube isn’t one of those things that you just automatically NEED because our bodies make enough lubrication (typically). Sometimes things are beyond our control, and we end up needing some extra help, or just wanna add some flair to our sex life. I, personally, had to start using lube after my abortion procedure, which made sex painful for a long time and made me dry for a WHILE. I kept going to my GYN and they couldn’t figure it out, and just told me to use a good lube during sex.

Me, being the health freak that I am, decided I would ONLY use natural and organic lube. I went on a quest to find some GOOD organic lube, and when it comes to my vagina, I don’t mind shelling out some money for a good product. Astroglide is ok, but we have to reapply a few times, and it feels a tad oily. KY is just disgusting and there is nothing natural about it. Good Clean Love’s natural lube is pretty good, but is more like a gel and I wanted something a little more slick. Then I came across Sliquid Organics, which is a brand dedicated to ONLY organic and natural lubricants. I contacted the company and they sent out a few samples for us to try out.

Let me say that this brand is the absolute BEST lube brand we have come across. Sliquid has a number of different lubes in the natural category, and the same ones in the organic category. They also have a whole line of flavored lubes for oral sex. My FAVORITE of the bunch is the Sliquid Oceanics. It contains carrageenan, or seaweed extract, to provide extra slip and more skin healing properties, which is good if you’re prone to infection or enjoy more friction during sex, like we do.

The company sent us Sliquid Sassy, which is the usual natural composition but is thickened with plant cellulose to make it thicker, mostly for anal sex. It is made to last longer and stay in place. Hubs and I don’t engage in anal, but I sometimes do have to reapply once during sex. We haven’t gotten to the Sassy yet because we’ve been using everything else, but we will put it to use tonight.

We also tried the Sliquid Organics Sensations, which is like a warming/cooling lubricant made to heighten sensation. It contains aloe leaf juice, vitamin E, and green tea, but also menthol, which adds to the cooling feeling. It did heighten the sensation during sex, and it was pleasurable! Unlike the Fire and Ice condoms I hear of often… My ex roommate said they burn and to never use them. Noted.

There were a few more samples to try, from a hybrid lube formulated with silicone for longer lasting slick (a natural one and an organic one) to O Gel, which is made to heighten clitoral stimulation. Sliquid also has a line of flavored lubricants called Sliquid Swirl, once again all natural. There’s a pink lemonade one that seems like it may be sorta tasty!

Sliquid is my FAVORITE brand for lubricant. My vagina is VERY sensitive as I’ve written about before, and she hates everything. But, none of their lubes have irritated me, given me any infection, or cause any trouble. Added bonus that they’re all natural and/or organic! They all feel natural as well; they don’t clump up with use, and the feeling of the gel mimics my own natural wetness. It’s a perfect fit.

I am feeling pretty sexy tonight. So sexy, that I may even do Hubs’s favorite move. That SHOWS how hot I’m feeling, because I’m a lazy ass. Sliquid has definitely made me feel more feminine and like less of a sexual failure when my body isn’t working properly. Thanks y’all!

– K. P.

Freaky Fitness Friday: Erotic Yoga Playlist #1

I choreographed a routine to a few songs yesterday for an erotic yoga session in my bedroom, and it was GREAT. Not only is yoga great for strength and flexibility, but doing it slow and to sexual music allows you to really flow and feel yourself. You can fantasize and it helps you get your mind right for that special person when it’s time!

Here are the songs I used for my routine. Yes, I have a thing for Miguel.

Miguel – Pussy Is Mine
This one was perfect for on the floor stretching, leg work, and working on splits

Miguel – Use Me
This one reminds me of mild BDSM for some reason. But I did some wall work for this song, placing both hands on the wall and doing wall push-ups, as well as doing figure 8s with my hips while my hands were on the wall.

August Alsina – Porn Star
Hamstring stretching, hip rolls, squats, and sexy slow leg stretching.

Wale – Passive Aggress-her
For this song, I like to go a little harder on my stretching. Maybe on my knees and stretching my back, working on a backbend, and squats. The lyrics say something about him being a masochist and her being crazy… Makes me feel powerful while working out.

Trey Songz – Mr. Steal Your Girl
This song is maaaad sleazy… Lol. BUT. It makes me feel super sexy, and hip raises, rolls, and winding goes well with this song. Improv on this one!

I have more, but we are gonna start you with this one! See how you like it after a quick workout with these songs!

-K. P.

WTF Wednesday: Late Night Debates

I can’t tell if this story makes our marriage loserish or pretty fucking awesome.

I spent hours cooking last night (I made a great gluten free cake with chia seeds and apples and cinnamon… And some pizza muffins) and we decided to watch a movie before bed tonight. Earlier, he had made me some gluten free pancakes and some beef bacon. He got some MAJOR points for that one. We have been talking about watching Harry Potter for a few days, but we didn’t get around to it.

We legit debated watching porn or watching Harry Potter. Like, PONDERED. Lol. Which one do you think we chose?

Yeah. I think this means that our marriage is pretty damn great.

-K. P.